[It's nice that I'm being allowed the liberty of creative (i.e. non-academic) writing, especially in a LIM class. After all, I'm all about journaling.]
As draining as it is to spend such long hours in the classroom, I am so thankful that I'm getting to take this seminar. After all, I'm not in college to spend my time in passivity, learning by rote and memorizing information that may or may not matter to me after I've graduated. I'm here, rather, to absorb information about issues that will be relevant to my career path. I'm here to accrue knowledge and refine my personal convictions. I'm here to be an active participant in my own growth, as well as a good steward of my education. And although this class is more tiring than I ever expected, it's giving me all of the above, and in abundance. So, I'm grateful.
On a more personal note, I’m
beginning to notice that this class is teaching me something that’s decidedly not
academic. To put it simply, it involves
a classmate of mine who is…ah, why sugarcoat things? She’s obnoxious. Now, I hate to cast (unwarranted) aspersions
on another person’s character, so I’m going to try to shoot for objectivity
here. (I may or may not succeed… but this
particular classmate is a woman I’ve only known for a few days, after all, so let
me at least try to be fair without sacrificing honesty.)
My context for these comments is
that I haven’t taken classes with adults very often during my three years at
Union. On the contrary, I’m used to being
around undergraduates, to being immersed in the undergraduate “atmosphere”. Specifically, I’m used to hands raised, and to
the implicit understanding that a professor deserves a certain respect from his/her
students. My observations of this particular
classmate over the past few days reveal her to be a complete departure
from all of the above. She speaks out of
turn appallingly often, and apparently thinks it respectful (to both her peers
and her teachers) to carry on side conversations while class is in session. She responds to professors more audibly and
frequently than is decorous – and here, I’m not talking about the responses to
professors’ direct addresses. The adage
that comes to mind is “speak only when you’re spoken to”…I mean, by all means,
laugh at a joke, but no one needs to hear how you feel about the professor’s
every other assertion – especially when you’re not adding anything of substance
to the discussion. That’s just
inappropriate! What’s more is that her conduct
hinders the education of those who are trying to pay attention and take
advantage of the wonderful opportunities (i.e. lecturers) in this class.
This woman has me convinced that
she thinks she’s the only one in the room; such a selfish attitude, coupled
with her pushy demeanor, does nothing to inspire my respect for her as a
peer. It is, rather, a huge turn-off,
and I would be grossly understating things if I were to that she irritates
me. However, in a roundabout sort of way,
she is proving to be instructive.
(I’m searching for a silver lining here because frankly, unless I do, I’m
afraid that I won’t be able to tolerate being around her for the rest of the
week.) The first lesson that comes to
mind is an old admonition my mother used to give me: “If you have nothing nice
to say, there’s no need to say anything at all.” It’s been taking considerable and constant self-discipline
to not ask this classmate to rein herself in (if for no other reason but my
sanity)…and, on occasion, to kindly stay quiet.
This exercise in self-restraint is not without its benefits; I know that
in the future, it will behoove me to control my reactions, especially among my
elders. The line between being a doormat
and exercising social prudence is a fine one, but an important one that this
classmate is helping me to toe. As my
mother also often points out, there are all kinds of people in this world, and
the least that each of them can do for you is teach you a greater awareness of
yourself. This woman is teaching me
about the kind of classmate I don’t want to be, which is just as important a definition
as is the kind of classmate I do want to be.
At best, this is a counterintuitive
conclusion, but it’s a valuable one nonetheless.
On to matters of class material,
then…this morning, as Dr. M spoke at length about [philosopher] Gregory, he often spoke
of the value Gregory placed on candor in the physician-patient relationship. As I understand it, candor is honesty of
expression – and in medicine, implies a transparency with the patient regarding
all aspects of his care. For example, a
respect for candor dictates that a physician must refrain from managing a
problem that is too much for him to handle, instead opting to seek a
consultation with the appropriate professional.
Perhaps this speaks to my relatively sparse history education, but I am
continually surprised by how applicable many of Gregory’s assertions are in the
contemporary context. The value of
knowing one’s own limits by no means expired with Gregory.
The other subject which
especially interested me today was the discussions on abortion, particularly
because this issue bothered me personally for years in the context of my father’s
job as an OB/GYN. It seems that a
personal context always lends an extra dimension to this issue, which is already
frustratingly controversial. I’ve been
asking my dad for years about how he can perform abortions (albeit
infrequently) and still maintain a clear conscience. His reply is always that one shouldn’t use
religious beliefs as a basis for professional decisions. Perhaps that’s a way to avoid the issue; I
don’t like this method, though because my faith plays a prominent role in
defining my self-conduct, both personally and professionally. I do understand the value in “keeping work at
work” and so on, and I am aware of Gregory’s position on the issue (that
when professional and personal interests conflict, the professional interest
should prevail). But at this point in my
life, at least, I feel compelled to seek consistency between my faith and my
career.
During the winter break of my
sophomore year, I had an observership on the labor and delivery/maternity
floors of a hospital in the Bronx. I remember spending time in an ambulatory
clinic where abortions (both D&Cs and D&Es) were performed. It was that experience that gave me my first experience
with what the issue of abortion looks like in real life. The D&Cs were somehow easier to watch,
perhaps because they are performed before the pregnancy really looks much like
a fetus; everything is blood and scraps of tissues, and it’s less obvious to a
bystander that all of that would have become a baby…someone’s baby. The first D&E that I observed, however,
made me nauseous…I remember seeing the surgeon extricate a small, slippery arm,
a foot, a head, and thinking, it’s like seeing
parts of a doll, the kind of doll I played with as a young girl. It was essentially a dismembered fetus, and
that was upsetting. It seemed to me then
(although I didn’t use this terminology, per se) that this was a baby, and it
had the right to live…it had moral standing.
Did the first fetus have it, too?
I think so…but the problem here is that it just never got a chance to survive
to the point where it would have looked like a doll, too.
Having actually seen the
procedure, it’s hard for me not to think of abortion – at any stage of fetal
development – as wrong. How will my
faith figure into my professional conduct, if at all? Here is the current stance of the Episcopal
Diocese of New York on abortion:
“The Diocese supports freedom of
choice in abortion...Convention in 1974 (reaffirmed in 1986) endorsed the
decision of the U.S. Supreme Court ‘allowing women to exercise their own
conscience in the matter of abortions.’[1]
I think need to do more research
to see what the Church of England and the Bible say about abortion before I
draw any conclusions…
What will I do when my
professional obligation to my patient hangs in the balance (i.e. when the
mother’s health is at risk)? I’m not
sure yet. I can’t see myself ever
performing elective abortions, but perhaps I could justify performing
therapeutic abortions on the grounds of responsible patient care.
[1] “Positions
on Social Issues.” Episcopal Diocese of New York: Abortion, Needs of the Poor, Aging. 23 July 2012.
http://www.dioceseny.org/pages/319-abortion-needs-of-the-poor-aging.
