Intense grief is borne of intense
love. And I’m supposed to be trying to
move forward, but I’ve loved too intensely to feel like I can make any such
progress on my own. Hell, I don’t want
to move forward. Thank goodness for
friends who plant seeds like “you need to move on” – I wonder, often, if
that’s God.
Jesus asked so often: “What do you want Me
to do for you?” He wants to know what I
want…and this is a small comfort. He
cares about what I want – even, perhaps, if it is different from what I need. He cares.
And maybe, just maybe, this is an avenue to trusting Him. As much as I long for this friendship back,
for everything to go back to the way it was, I long perhaps more for a trusting
heart. So I go to bed tonight with Ps 374-5
on my mind: “Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of
your heart. Commit your way to the Lord,
trust also in him, and He will do it.”
